Sunday, November 17, 2019

Earth Reborn: Messiah Complex: Diana Valenzuela

Heroes of Earth Reborn
Diana Valenzuela

Name: Diana Valenzuela
Alias: None
Gender: Female
Race: Beastkin (dog - doberman)
Date of Birth: August 26, 3155
(Age 20 at the beginning of Heroes of Earth Reborn – Messiah Complex)
Birthplace: Neo Brazil (Aman Arnor)
Height: 155 centimeters/5 feet 1 inch
Weight: 51 kilograms/112 pounds
Blood Type: O
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Black
Weapon(s): Hand-to-hand, Guardian Soul: Shock the Monkey
Relative(s): Patrice Valenzuela (mother)
Ernesto Valenzuela (father)
Affiliation: Alliance of Free Nations
Rank: Corporal First Class
Status: Active
Hobbies: Dancing, cooking, dating, collecting autographs
Values: Family, honor, philanthropy
Likes: El Tígre Azúl, The Sexy Six, Sergeant William “Gunnick” Ackheart,
spicy food, the color purple
Dislikes: Discrimination, white-collar crime, itchiness
Special Ability: Guardian Soul: Shock the Monkey
Soul Power: High Voltage
Diana Valenzuela is a Corporal First Class in the Alliance of Free Nations. Her Alliance Buddy is Sergeant William “Gunnick” Ackheart.

Diana was born in 3155. She grew up in Neo Brazil, a paradise-like nation in the southern part of Aman Arnor; the races generally lived in harmony, there were plentiful resources, and the nation was defended by two significant groups: masked luchadors who patrolled the streets and fought with incredible agility, and the Sexy Six, a group of talented, powerful, scantily-clad sorceresses that performed miracles ranging from helping the homeless to fighting supervillains.

In 3161, Diana developed seizures; her body would shake uncontrollably, and electrical sparks would fly out of her body. Her parents sought medical treatment, but the doctors were stumped. Fortunately, the Sexy Six were nearby due to a recent battle, and examined Diana. They informed Diana's parents that she was struggling with her power, and that she needed to accept her power and learn to flow with it. The Sexy Six assisted Diana with a magic ritual, which helped her to realign her soul. At the end of the ritual, Diana's Guardian Soul, Shock the Monkey, emerged, and the seizures stopped.

As the years progressed, Diana experimented with the powers and abilities of her Guardian Soul, combining its powers with her superhuman strength and reflexes. She also made friends with El Tígre Azúl, a luchador-in-training who was a year younger than Diana.

In 3170, the Hadlen Corporation took an interest in Neo Brazil. Claiming to want to establish community ties, the Hadlen Corporation began an illegal occupation of its cities, enforcing harsh curfews and plundering city treasuries. Outnumbered, the Sexy Six and the luchadors pleaded for able-bodied citizens to join the conflict. Diana and El Tígre Azúl were among the many that answered the call.

In 3172, the citizens of Neo Brazil bankrupted the Hadlen Corporation and forced them to flee back to Leithamerica. The Sexy Six were especially impressed with Diana's skill and bravery; their leader urged Diana to do for the world what she had done for Neo Brazil.

In 3174, Diana bid a tearful farewell to her parents and a passionate farewell to El Tígre Azúl, as she had decided to enlist in the Alliance of Free Nations as an Officer Member. In training, Diana would meet and befriend William “Gunnick” Ackheart.

As of January 3176, Diana is a Corporal First Class in the Alliance of Free Nations. She often works with Gunnick to combat human supremacy.
Diana is a spirited, bubbly, cheerful woman. Having been raised in Neo Brazil, she smiles often and tries to spread her cheer to her friends. She is a bit of a flirt, but she's more reserved than Cheyenne, Tia, or Sinthea. She loves to sing and dance, although – by her own admission – her singing voice needs work. She's a little bit conscious about her body, though she takes pride in her legs.

Diana encountered few instances of discrimination in Neo Brazil, so she is not entirely certain how she should best react to it. It hurts her when it happens, but she's more prone to depression than anger. Normally, however, the depression does not last long.

Diana is a thin, tan-skinned, humanoid female with a doberman tail and doberman ears instead of human ears. She paints her fingernails and toenails purple.

Diana's Guardian Soul, Shock the Monkey, is a blue-skinned bonobo monkey with black fur and blue tron lines. It crackles with electricity.

Diana is an A cup. Though she is embarrassed by this, she says that what she lacks in the chest, she makes up for in spades with a great pair of legs.

In Active Duty Mode, Diana wears a standard Alliance uniform... mostly. Higher-ranking officers have mentioned that Diana's skirt seems just a little bit too high.

In Off-Duty Mode, Diana wears purple, circular earrings, a sleeveless purple shirt that exposes her midriff, a purple mini-skirt, purple thigh-high stockings, and black boots that cover her ankles.

In V-Day Mode, Diana wears purple, circular earrings, a sleeveless Alliance shirt that exposes her midriff, a purple mini-skirt, purple thigh-high stockings and black high-heeled shoes. In V-Day Mode, Diana crackles with electricity. The electricity dissipates when Diana takes unblocked damage, but the electricity reforms when Diana recovers.
Powers and Abilities
As a beastkin, Diana has superhuman strength and reflexes. She combines this with Alliance training to be a devastating hand-to-hand combatant.

Her special ability is the Guardian Soul: Shock the Monkey. Shock the Monkey takes the form of a bonobo monkey and can generate and manipulate electricity. When Shock the Monkey is active, it performs the magical/electrical techniques. When Shock the Monkey is inactive, Diana can perform some magical/electrical techniques by herself.

Her Soul Power, High Voltage, increases the size and power of her Guardian Soul.

As a member of the Alliance, she can use the “Unyielding Justice” technique to increase her defensive capabilities for a limited time.

Diana's young age and the time she spent in Neo Brazil has left her separated from the majority of the cast. However, stories of her fight against the Hadlen Corporation have circulated, and some of the cast has heard of her.

Diana and Second Lieutenant Evan Bartlett get along, although Evan doesn't flirt with Diana because he deems her “too jail-bait-ey.” Diana can generally match Evan joke-for-joke.

Diana is buddies with Sergeant William “Gunnick” Ackheart, both in the Alliance sense and in the sense that they're best friends. They have both clashed with corrupt corporations, and they teach each other a great deal; Gunnick shares his knowledge of pre-war technology and literature, and Diana shares her knowledge of Guardian Souls and magic.

Diana finds Specialist First Class Stevia Ulkire attractive. However, she thinks that the “playing field” is too crowded, so she refrains from flirting with him.

Diana thinks that Specialist Second Class Silgash Unzer-Mith dislikes her due to odd stares that Silgash gives her. However, the truth is that Silgash finds Shock the Monkey cute, but finds herself unable to ask Diana permission to pet it.

On the record, Tempest Carlotta Neverblood deems Diana as a dangerous vigilante. Off the record, Tempest believes that the Hadlen Corporation got what was coming to it and secretly applauds Diana's heroics.

Diana has not yet met Dr. Chase Ryuzaki, but she has heard of him through Stevia and Silgash. From what Diana has heard, she finds Chase deeply creepy.

Diana has not met Dr. Bob Tesla, but she has attended some of the Midnight Monster Movies with Dr. Bob shows. Diana would like to get autographs from Bob, Nurse Feratu, and Rikjak the Tinkerer.

Diana is one of Zara Vandal's “snack buddies.” Zara visits Diana in secret and feeds off of Diana by making out with her. Though the sessions exhaust Diana, she sincerely enjoys the time she spends with Zara.

Diana has not met Cheyenne Takahashi, but she does know who the Songbirds are, and Evan has told Diana quite a bit about Cheyenne. Diana is certain that she and Cheyenne would get along if they were ever to meet.

Diana has not met Mazarine Anjetti, but she admires her performing abilities. Diana is especially envious of Mazarine's signing ability.

Diana has seen Sinthea Shagwell's award-winning porn movie, “Masquerade: The Dark Descent.” Diana would love to get Sinthea's autograph, but harbors no realistic desire to go any further than that.

I'm Not Your Friend, AdultFriendFinder!

One of the problems with which I currently struggle is a moderate case of cognitive dissonance. In my current state, I am unable to honestly and earnestly participate in any long-term romantic relationship. However, I still crave physical intimacy. And looking at beautiful women in various states of undress is a thrill.

I tried reaching out to a few escorts, but I decided that no response rounded up to "Do Not Disturb," so I bought a used car instead.

After some Google searches, I saw multiple blog posts praising AdultFriendFinder. I decided to set up an account, pay for a one-month subscription, and try to find some no-strings-attached fun time.

This turned out to be a mistake.

The pattern with every woman on AFF I've communicated has been the same:
  • They ask questions. If I'm lucky, some will acknowledge the answers.
  • They ask for a way to contact me off of AFF.
  • Once we communicate off of AFF, they ask for money, personally-identifiable information, or a "uncharged" signup for an ID site.
  • Alternately, if I refuse to move off of AFF and explain my experiences with scammers, I get insulted.
I tried another app, Pure, with similar results. However, some of the women there are a bit bolder, asking me for money on the app itself.

Let me clarify: when I go to a strip club, or when I want to do business with a sex worker, I go in with the expectation that it's a business transaction. If I don't have money, I leave. And once the transaction is finished, I leave.

Dating websites and dating apps are a whole different ball game. The premise is that the users are looking to get a physical or romantic need met, and the site/app gives users options to browse, chat, and socialize before a meetup. And virtually every dating website/app has rules prohibiting sex for money; there are plenty of escort indices available, so eHarmony, for example, is probably not the best place to do business with a streetwalker.

From an emotional standpoint, I'm worse off having dealt with AdultFriendFinder and Pure. It reinforces the mindset that my only value to a woman is through the physical goods I can provide. This may sound cynical until I point out that my ex-fiance started to turn on me when we both had to work to make ends meet. So you might understand how almost every woman in my life asking for -- or demanding -- money and gifts is a critical blow to my already-damaged soul.

I've previously written that I just don't understand the appeal of masochism, especially when people pay to be abused. If I want to get hurt by someone else, all I have to do is live my life normally, where cruelty, neglect, apathy, and base vulgarity flow like Niagara Falls. And these strangers are so dedicated to their "art," they're willing to heap their scorn upon me for absolutely nothing in return save for my cutting retort, upraised middle-finger, or clenched jaw as I walk away.

As such, I am literally kicking myself for having paid for a month of letting scammers take swings at me.

AdultFriendFinder advertises itself as the best online dating site on the internet. Goddesses and Gods help me if I ever wind up on the worst site.

When it Comes to Software, Requirements Should be a Requirement

I've been interviewing for jobs since 1993. Even though I've applied for diverse vocations over a variety of industries, some questions are prevalent. I'm sure every job seeker who reads this blog post has been asked "Where do you see yourself in five years?" at least three times.

When I apply to software quality assurance jobs, most hiring companies ask a variant of this question: "How do you test software when the requirements are poor quality or missing?"

Having faced and Googled this question many times, I know that "correct" answers include:

  • Analyze similar software to determine standards, intended use, and other accepted norms.
  • Seek alternate oracles such as prototypes, design documents, or previous releases.
However, based on my 15 years of experience, the "true" answer is this: "When the requirements are poor or missing, I prepare for a virtual crash-landing since the project will fail."

This sounds harsh, so let me elaborate.

Requirements and/or user stories for software are not arbitrarily-generated. They are the result of stakeholders, business analysts, developers, and quality assurance analysts discussing the customers' needs and wants, converting them to quantifiable, testable, and direct statements (or unambiguous scenarios in the case of user stories), and codified into legally-binding documentation. This provides the software company a path to create software that will solve the customers' problems. It also serves as protection for the software company. I've worked for companies where we followed the requirements to the letter, but we were accused of not delivering what we promised. Being able to point to the agreed-upon requirements, the established means to submit change requests, and the customers' signatures prevented some costly and embarrassing lawsuits.

With that in mind, I can confidently say that poor or no requirements leads directly to poor software.

If this sounds harsh, allow me to apply the "poor requirements/no requirements" metric to other industries:
  • How would a restaurant fare if its cooks started cooking meals if they never knew what the customer ordered? Or what if the customer said, "I'd like the food, please, and I'll pair it with beverage?"
  • How would taxi and rideshare companies if the only pickup/destination information they received was the name of a city? Or a state? Or a country?
  • How long would a hospital stay in business if its surgeons started operating on patients without knowing anything about the patients' medical history or health concerns?
  • What if Google's web search returned random search results before you could type in the first character of your search terms?
To drive the point home more forcefully, asking a quality assurance analyst how they would test software with poor or no requirements is like asking a professional signer how they'll perform a nationwide tour with incurable laryngitis.

I previously wrote about how companies that treat quality as an afterthought or an obstacle harm their customers. Along the same veins, not having a solid and clear understanding of what the customer needs, wants, and expects is like shouting, "I'M NOT LISTENING!" to the customer.

I will say this in defense of companies: I have personally experienced communication-poor customers who either couldn't or wouldn't specify what they seek. (One extreme example was a customer who got angry and insulted me when she told me, "I want you to write software," and I asked, "Okay. What do you want the software to do?") When faced with a customer who refuses to participate in good faith with the requirement/user story process, I suggest walking away and finding another customer. One lesson I've learned the difficult way: a bad product is worse than no product at all.

Otherwise, a software project without a firm grasp of what the customer seeks is like an architectural firm that chooses stick drawings over blueprints. Creating quality, critically-acclaimed, and award-winning software is no easy task. There are seemingly-endless steps, meetings, and man-hours necessary, and cutting corners has consequences ranging from embarrassing to lethal. Delivering an end-result that fails to address the customer's needs and wants is a failure by any metrics.

It's also entirely preventable with a few days of meetings, writing, and consensus.

So, how do I test software where the requirements and/or user stories are low-quality or incomplete?

Simple: I start writing defects against the requirements and/or user stories. A faulty requirement can be fixed in minutes. Faulty code in production can take weeks or months to remedy... provided that the company can stay afloat in a sea of lawsuits and angry customers.

Self-Promotion Sunday: 2019-11-17

If I ever figure out how to turn nausea, phlegm, and low self-esteem into profit, I'll be able to buy at least three Jeff Bezoses. Maybe then, he'll pay attention when I talk about my ex-coworkers throwing boxes at me and the supervisors that punished me when their equipment malfunctioned.

In the meantime, I'll stick with writing.

* * *


I check my email obsessively. In fact, I have 4 email addresses:
  • is my address for personal matters, side-gigs, and anything pertaining to Bitcoins. It's also the favored email for PG-13 Twitter mutuals.
  • is my address for real-life day jobs. If you want to talk about software testing, this is the address to use.
  • is my address for my non-technical writing which includes this blog, fanfiction, Earth Reborn, and Blooming in Adversity. It's also the favored email for NC-17 Twitter mutuals.
  • is my address for anything pertaining to gambling, casinos, and Las Vegas. This will also be the email for Sin City Scribes, The Viceroys of Vegas, and my SCS Twitter mutuals.

I'm on Facebook. I'm a bit more active on here than I have been in the past. However, if you're trying to get my attention here, either tag me, or use Facebook Messenger.

I have three accounts on Twitter:
  • A PG-13 account where I keep cursing to a minimum, and I don't follow sex authors or sex workers. Recently, I've been less active here; despite me not following President Bigot-And-Butthead, he and his cronies are clogging my feed with their pathetic lies and ad-hominems.
  • An NC-17 account where I curse like a sailor, retweet naked women selling sexy items, and beg erotic authors for advice. I've been more active here, especially with me forcing myself to write more, commissioning artists, and seeking voice talents for “Coitus Comedius.” However, if you're not old enough for sex and cursing, stick to the PG-13 account.
  • A Sin City Scribes account for Sin City Scribes so my mutuals don't get spammed with corny jokes, ads about hotels/casinos, and money-saving apps... unless that's what they want. I haven't done much yet, what with my trips to casinos being virtual nightmares. But if I land a decent telecommuting job, I might do some more exploring.

Another note on Twitter: please report and block @LoonyLiberalHah. That was my previous account; it got hacked, and Twitter decided that an image of my passport isn't sufficient to prove that I'm the real Scott Watson.


I'm on LinkedIn. I don't mean to brag, but I'm a damn good software tester. I have 15 years of experience and 5 certifications. (7 if you count the A+ and the MCP.) However, I'll probably spend less time on here due to false job matches and whataboutism.

I'm on Upwork. I'll need to dust off this profile and see if I can get some hits on it. When I get my next disability payment, I'll probably buy some more credits and apply to more gigs as well.

I'm on Clarity. Currently, I'm offering real-time, high-priority quality assurance on PC software, Android apps, web pages, and documents at $1/minute. I'd go lower, but Clarity won't allow it. But rest assured that you'll get your money's worth.

I'm on Etsy. This has fallen out of the wayside. I need to put some more effort into it.

I'm on Fiverr. However, I don't have active gigs at the moment. I'll make the announcement here should that change.


Indie Madnesse is where I experimented with sheer lunacy as comedy. When you see a chapter written by W4, that's something I wrote. I contributed to the following stories:
  • Reforming Evil Can Be Tricky: A mega-crossover where everyone is out of character and out of their minds. If you want to see Kim Kaphwan communicate with only smiles, Blue Mary begging to be spanked, Kyo Kusanagi dying more times than Kenny, and the fourth wall shattering into billions of pieces, this story is for you.
  • Saving the World Again: Do you ever wonder why so few RPG heroes save the world more than once? Do you ever wonder what would happen if the destined hero got killed in the prologue? Then read on.
  • New Haven: This story is for those who don't think that horror movies or horror/survival video games are intense enough. Let's just say that Murphy was an optimist.
  • Self-Extraction: Mary Sues and Marty Stus are irritating. Fortunately, there's an organization that's dedicated to killing them.
  • Invasion Defense Force Randomletter: Sweet Jesus, did we ever parody mecha/alien anime in this one.
  • The Gods Must Be Randy: Let's just say that Priapus (yes,THAT Priapus) is one of the main protagonists. Basically, if Weird Al Yankovic and Benny Hill tried to write religious texts, it might end up looking like this.
  • ImproFicRoast: When we weren't writing our own fanfiction, we wrote MiSTs of other authors' fanfiction. Is that meta, or is that arrogance? I'll let you decide.

(NSFW) Adult Fanfiction: It's no secret that I'm a fan of consensual, romantic, 95% incest-free porn (I'm on the fence regarding consensual and legal hi-jinks with step-relatives). Usually, though, a well-written story can excite me more than a video or an H-manga. With that in mind, I said, “What the Hell...” and tried to write some of my own. I opened an account at the very NSFW Adult Fanfiction website (never forget Sturgeon's Law) and decided to submit a few stories under the pen name W4_The_Mad_Author. Here's what I have posted so far:
  • (NSFW) The Good Neighbor: A Ranma ½ crossover with a variety of H-manga, including (NSFW) Gogo no Kouchou, (NSFW) HHH Triple H, (NSFW) Pure Days, (NSFW) Barrier Free, (NSFW) Dress Select, and (NSFW) Pura-Tina Plus.

    Yes, there's going to be oodles of sex, but I'm trying to make it porn with plot and a bit of character development. The premise is that Akane Tendo's first connecting punch causes Ranma Saotome to fall through the roof of Mizuno Yayoi's house. Will Mizuno and Ranma be able to learn from each other and seize their own destinies?

    This is a work in progress, albeit a stalled one at the moment. However, there are 13 chapters so far, so that's saying something. Somehow, the principals from
    Slayers (with special guest-star Jedah Graywords from Theria's phenomenal works), an original character from the Rocket Knight Adventures universe, some Earth Reborn characters, the Joker, and Harley Quinn have squeaked into the story. However, I'm enjoying Ranma's love rivals using conversation, humor, and sex instead of sucker-punches, bladed weapons, and poison. And I'm just champing at the bit to introduce Shiori, “Phoenix,” and Kaori Nanjo for some more X-rated fun, along with more comic relief characters for hilarity breaks between beatings and boinkings. Finally, I relish taking some of Takahashi-sensei's Karma Houdinis and facing them off against characters that fight back with everything they have. Good luck no-selling the Dragon Slave, Akane!
  • (NSFW) Hikari: A Ranma ½ crossover with Blazblue, Crash Bandicoot, Guilty Gear, The Angry Beavers, Star versus the Forces of Evil, Love Hina, Danger Mouse, the Marvel universe, the DC universe, the Disney multiverse, Revolutionary Girl Utena, and a literal army of original characters from Earth Reborn.

    What happens when the most evil man on Earth and the most evil woman on Earth sire a child? What happens when said parents attempt to raise the child while under the watch of Uka-Uka and Happosai? Why would anyone worship a panda? And what's a flibbity gibbeter? Read on and find out. No all-the-way sex yet, but the story so far does straddle the line between being rated “R” and being rated “X.”

    P.S.: No, the kiddie-show canon characters do not get sex scenes. I'm not
    that big a fan of Count Duckula, Eclipsa, Norbert, etc.

    This work just might be a deadfic. I have much higher priorities at the moment, and I'm going to end up doing a lot of crying if this story goes where I think it's going.
  • (Not yet posted):The End of Pain: Yup. More Ranma ½. This one crosses over with BlazBlue, Fragments, the Marvel universe, the DC universe, Doctor Who,The Elder Scrolls, Mega Man Legends, Star Versus the Forces of Evil, The Little Mermaid, Sonic the Hedgehog, and Phineas and Ferb, along with a literal army of original characters from Earth Reborn.

    The premise of this tale is that Ranma Saotome can never get a happy ending to his life. Worse, the abuse and torment he's suffered awoke Gregory Lazenbee, Ranma's evil side – his
    maniacally genocidal evil side – who decided to take matters into his own hands. Together, they tried and failed for a million years to let Ranma enjoy true love and true peace, unwittingly dragging their true friends and lovers with them. But now, Gregory, his allies, and even some of his conventional enemies are ready to break the cycle of reincarnation forever. Will Ranma be at peace at last? If so, at what cost?

    This one's hard to classify. With one prologue and six chapters done so far, there's comedy, drama, sex, violence, and introspection. It's also one warped tale. How warped? For starters, the
    prologue is loaded with triggers that make me cringe. Also, Hazama Honoka and Yuki Terumi are, comparatively speaking, heroic protagonists. (Good luck selling that concept to Ragna the Bloodedge.) And the aforementioned Terumi, who is arguably one of the most irredeemable villains that video game stories have ever created? He gets WAFF (Warm and Fuzzy Feeling) moments. Finally, Gregory (who qualifies as a Villain Sue) is utterly powerless to achieve the one goal for which he would sacrifice everything else in the multiverse. Gods help us all.
    I want to work on this a bit more before I post it. However, if anyone wants to beta-read what I've done so far, I'd be delighted to share the pain. Send me a private message, and I'll send you some Word files or a zip file.
  • (Not yet posted): The Power of Friendship: Surprise! Another Ranma ½ mega-crossover! This one involves NSFW Netorare Genki Mama, Haganai, Seitokai no Ichizon, MM!, Static Shock, JJBA: Diamond is Unbreakable, School Rumble, and a handful of original characters.

    Akane really needs to work on her aim. After the fated first meeting, Akane uppercutted Ranma to the doorstop of Yumi Tenshimoto, a shy and lonely girl who desperately wants friends. Ranma and Yumi hit it off, and Ranma vows to help her make more friends. Due to Nabiki's interference, most of Furinkan High School is openly hostile to the pair... save for two temporary transfer students - Virgil Hawkins and Richie Foley. And the quartet finds a webpage for the Neighbors Club at St. Chronica's Academy.

    I have ten chapters and two side-chapters written, but they're on paper. I haven't gotten around to typing them up and posting them yet. Admittedly, this is not a high priority for me at the moment.


Corruption among the Chirping: How Twitter's Refusal to Enforce Their Own Rules Emboldened Cyberbullies and Terrorists: Yes, this was prompted by my own real-life experiences. What of it? A Google search on Twitter abuse yields over 664 million results, so I'm far from the only victim. My plan is to find 15-20 brave victims to talk about their ordeals, along with maybe a few disgruntled Twitter employees to provide insight on why Twitter is so lax in upholding their Terms of Service.

I'm not going to call this a dead project, but I will admit that writing this book properly will take more effort and assistance than I can currently afford. However, I really want to write this book.

How Do I Hired Person?”: What Corporate America Gets Wrong about Talent Acquisition: Job-hunting sucks. In some instances, trying to get the job is far more stressful than the job itself. Having been on both sides of the job-seeking fence, I can safely state that companies make many errors – both unintentional and deliberate – that aggravate job-seekers and that could cost a company a gold-star hire.

I have a mostly-complete first draft, but it's short. I'm researching ways to make it longer and more entertaining. Either I could work harder to find job-seeking nightmare stories, or I could reach out to a college university professor to make the book more academic.

My current real-life experiences have given me additional material. I should have enough to add more substance and more humor.

Sin City Spendthrifts: Once upon a time, there was a wonderful website called “Cheapo Vegas.” The website used research and humor to rate casinos/hotels on a variety of criteria. It was an invaluable and entertaining resource. However, Mark “Stinky” Sinclair – the head writer – passed away in 2006, and the site's new owners ran the site into the ground.

I'd like to revive the spirit of Cheapo Vegas, but golly... I need to get a job, food, and permanent shelter first. This will have to wait for a while.


Earth Reborn: What started as an idea for a fighting game is evolving into so much more. The setting is Earth, 1100 years after World War III rendered the Earth inhospitable. The fall of humanity prompted the Goddesses, Gods, and other deities to break their vows of non-interference and restore Earth. The Gods created Earth Elves, Depth Elves, Gear Elves, and beastkin. They also helped to contain the humans when they awoke, and they adopted mortal forms with which they could personally guide the sentient races.

This one setting has prompted the creation of the following concurrent stories:
  • The Jewels of the Desert (Comedy/Adventure animation(s) or graphic novel(s)): Eight ostracized high-school students awaken super powers. Adopting alter egos, they have to contend with bullies and villains while keeping their secrets from their families and maintaining good grades.

    I have the prologue and the first seven chapters done for the first book,
    Even a Flawed Gem Can Shine Beautifully. As of yesterday, I'm picking up with chapter 8, and I hope to make this the first Earth Reborn story that I release for public purchase. Each chapter introduces one of the main protagonists: Januna Bellashore, Allison Fenner, Sally Colt, Petra duMonde, Tabita Chenvargen, Tyler Delamitri, Linus Luno, and Joseph Niemann. However, I need to get a thumbs-up from special guest-star Dr. Bob Tesla before I show my work to too many others.
  • Pink Beagles Monogatari (Comedy/Adventure animation(s) or graphic novel(s)): The stories of a superhero/good Samaritan team headquartered in San Francisco.

    I have summaries for the starting protagonists and elevator pitches for the episodes. I also have bio sheets for two of the protagonists. Since this one has been on my mind a Hell of a lot, I might try my hand at writing a manuscript for a pilot episode.
  • Messiah Complex (Fighting video game(s)): Four factions (the Alliance of Free Nations, the Neverblood Financial Group, Gold Heart Unlimited, and the Scorpions of Gabriel) face off against each other in an attempt to expose their enemies' secrets and achieve their own goals.

    Roughly half of the player-characters have bios, most of the player-characters and DLC characters have winquotes, and I have a few arcade-mode stories as well. However, this is stalled for now.
  • Our Vampire (X-rated animation(s) or graphic novel(s)): A human male doctor, his Earth Elf wife, a human female paramedic, and a human male magician find their lives turned upside down when a female vampire doctor starts working at their hospital.

    I have a prologue and five chapters for the first book,
    Blood Sweeter Than Chocolate. And since I can apparently write a sex scene without a raging libido, this book may soon outpace my other literary projects. In addition, my first beta-reader enjoyed it. I already have a beginning for chapter 6, but I want to retool it to make it a wee bit sexier.
  • The Christmas Capers (Top-down shooting-and-fighting video game(s)): Santa Claus is real, but the North Pole is under attack. Two human males, a sugar plum fairy, a Gear Elf, a shinobi elf, and a burly humanoid reindeer rush to the rescue.

    I have an overview, but that's it. This work is stalled for now.
  • The Greatest Power (Drama/slice-of-life animation(s) or graphic novel(s)): A teen prodigy works with his uncles, friends, and heartthrobs to achieve all of their dreams. Not only will they have to contend with villains and fiendish plots, they also have to confront their own fears and weaknesses.

    I have an overview, but that's it. I might save this for last; this one hits close to home, and I want to do it justice.
  • Head-Turner and the Hooligan: (X-rated animation(s) or graphic novel(s)): Jonwyn Joyhaven is your average male mouse beastkin attending high school with his best friend, a freelance nun, and battling the student criminals of Wreck Your Shit Unlimited. His life takes a turn for the bizarre when he accidentally catches Angela Tremaine – a breathtaking female cat beastkin – masturbating. This leads to a series of events that leads them down the path of romance. Then Jonwyn learns that Grimm Warlark – the head of Wreck Your Shit Unlimited – is Angela's step-brother.

    Yes, my Twitter role-play past was painful. But one of the more enjoyable aspects was how much of a weirdness magnet Jonwyn was. I decided to keep that aspect, but do a page-one rewrite of his story. His desire to be a knight and his rival-turned-ally, Ripper, stay intact. The rest? Pure farce and parody with sex scenes. I have nothing written yet, but I have plenty of ideas.
  • Harlots' Honor (X-rated animation(s), graphic novel(s) or visual novel(s)): An Earth Elf female, a wolf beastkin female, a goblin female, a Gear Elf female, a mouse beastkin female, and a Depth Elf work in a brothel in Sydney, Australia, the headquarters of the Sex Workers' Guild.

    This one can put an end to all of my careers (and my life, to boot) if I don't handle it properly. Before I even write the prologue, I'll need to get feedback from trusted erotic authors and sex workers. My favorite sex worker, Rubie Rose, has agreed to collaborate with me to refine the Sex Workers Guild charter in exchange for payment. Her experience and patience will be a boon for this project.
  • Kali Led From Behind (Role-Playing Game and/or Tactical Battles) In 3171, Kali – who had split off from Kalika and became pure evil – attempted to wipe out the non-human sentients, using the KKK and like-minded terrorists to carry out the ethnic genocide. Six heroines – each one different as night and day – stood against the mad Goddess and saved the world. This game tells their story.

    This is another low priority, as it's essentially backstory from the rest of the action. The other tales will refer to it as passing.
  • The Heroine of her Beloved's Stories (Mega Man/Metroidvania-style video game): Junetta Grievecastle was cursed at birth with a demon – Kedenker – as her right arm. Fortunately for Junetta, Kedender was far more loyal to Junetta than to his own dark masters, so the two worked together to make Earth Reborn a better place. However, both are in for the fight of their lives when they plunge into the subconsciousness of Hilda Incdhearg to awaken her from her coma.

    It's a thinly-veiled secret that one of my favorite video games of all time is
    Magician Lord. I'm also a bit of a Mega Man fan, though I'll never understand how Dr. Wily manages to survive past the prologue of the first game, much less for 32 years. So let's squish the two games together, add a love triangle, season the mixture liberally with side quests and bonus bosses, and voila! However, this, too, will be further down the line.
  • Passion Pushes the Pen (X-rated animation(s) or graphic novel(s)): Gwendolyn G-Spots is a world-renowned creator of erotic graphic novels. Gwendolyn is also – in reality – Sativa Underrake, a shy Earth Elf/Gear Elf hybrid, and a virgin who constantly daydreams about the people around her engaging in wanton sexual activities.

    This could be a real blast. However, this will yank me into uncomfortable territories, as I'm mostly vanilla, and Sativa loves to daydream about some varsity-level kinks. Like with
    Harlots' Honor, I'm going to need some creative consultants to make this both enticing and scrupulous. And for that assistance, I need money. So I'll leave it be for now.
  • Big Sister Monogatari (Undertale-style video game): Chandra Llewellyn is a 13-year-old human girl who is both excited and nervous. Her parents told her 8 months ago that they're expecting a baby boy to join their family. Wanting to ensure a joyous life for her little brother, Chandra prays. Summerstar Elise Goodbody, an orc/fey sorceress, answers Chandra's prayers and awakens Chandra's ability to cast holy-based magic. The story focuses on Chandra, who struggles to be a phenomenal big sister to her brother while adapting to her awakened power and dealing with her own ascension to adulthood.

    This could very well be the WAFFiest/fluffiest story of this universe. I've already had ideas for 5 friends; a tomboy inventor, a shy-yet-kindhearted crossdresser, a ballerina primadonna, a dragon beastkin karateka, and a half Earth Elf/half human farmer girl. I also have ideas for a variety of allies including Honor Guards (party members who “fight” alongside Chandra and friends) and Retainers (non-combatants who increase item-carrying capacity and provide buffs/healing/assistance in exchange for a small percentage of earned platinum bits). Most of the techniques that Chandra and her allies learn will help manage the Bullet Hell that opponents will throw at them, such as destroying bullets, slowing bullets down, or even preventing enemies from taking action. Since Chandra and her friends have been having adventures in my dreams, I might at the very least whip up some bio sheets.

If you want to know more about Earth Reborn, and you're polite, feel free to ask. At the very least, I'll give you a few paragraphs as a synopsis.

Blooming in Adversity: A set of tales that take place on modern Earth... sort of. There are supernatural and inexplicable phenomenon at play, but the main characters are human.

I've made one change: now, all four storylines take place in Las Vegas because... well... VEGAS, BABY!

  • It Takes All Types: A crime drama/comedy seasoned with law and the paranormal. A discharged police officer, an exiled son of the Russian mafia, two veteran police detectives, an assistant district attorney, and her general-practice-lawyer sister try in their own ways to make the world a better place. They meet often at The Witches' Elixir, a pay-what-you-can-afford restaurant run by vampires.
  • Justice Yawns, But Never Sleeps: A spiritual successor to Night Court. A judge that used to be a stand-up comedian, an ambitious prosecutor who aims to be the President, a defense attorney that used to be a Christian priest, a deadpan snarker clerk, and a bailiff that used to be a professional wrestler do their best to deliver justice and compassion. Complicating matters are a variety of defendants and phenomenon ranging from quirky to reality-bending.
  • Jamming Mamas: A comedy/slice-of-life/musical series. Four middle-aged housewives form a rock band. They find themselves at odds with their own husbands, their children's schools, internet trolls, rival bands, porn companies, and noise ordinances.
  • Chaos and Blues: A wacky comedy/musical series. Basically, it's a westernized version of Nerima Daikon Brothers. Two scientists, an alfalfa farmer, a cocktail waitress, and a male stripper moonlight as “Sempre Awesome” a variety band that tries to hold concerts, but ends up contending with both criminals and the police.

At this point, all I have are ideas. Granted, I have a plethora of ideas for this universe, but I haven't started writing yet.

The Viceroys of Vegas: In the 21st century, Las Vegas finds itself in a power struggle unlike any other. Many groups - ranging from rag-tag gangs to well-ordered organizations - work under the radar to gain control of Las Vegas. Though there are many groups in action, they can generally be divided into four categories:

  • The "good gamers" see potential to make Las Vegas truly all-ages friendly. They want to establish businesses and facilities that cater to kids and families, such as all-ages arcades, community centers, heart-healthy eateries, etc.
  • The "evil gamers" want to control all of the underhanded activities happening in Las Vegas. If they unite and succeed, they could end up overthrowing the corporate control of the Strip and bring back a new era of mob organizations.
  • The "good pornstars" are open advocates for both equality for women and for equal rights for sex workers. They strive to make places like brothels and strip clubs fairer and more honorable for the workers, as well as proving that sexuality, when done right, can be beautiful instead of shameful.
  • The "evil pornstars" are essentially out for revenge. They specialize in seduction, blackmail, hacking, and other ways to bring down men in power. They believe that the ends justify the means, but the trail of ruin they leave in their wake might expose all of Las Vegas's dark secrets.
For obvious reasons, blatant use of lethal force is - for all intents and purposes - off of the table. Gun crime is anathema to the "good gamers" and "good pornstars," and the "evil gamers" and "evil pornstars" would be shoehorned into the NRA's talking points once they got caught.

As such, the four groups are attempting to establish and maintain control via economic invasion and popularity contests. Money is needed to launch and run businesses, and a positive public image will garner good will, recruits, and perhaps even awards.

I've been blogging about this quite a bit recently. Admittedly, this is a highly-ambitious (and highly-expensive) undertaking. But if I can get the right talent and connections, this could turn out to be an amazing multimedia experience.

Coitus Comedius: The premise is simple. Take asdfmovie, use sex jokes, and make the animation a bit sexier. I have roughly 75-80 tweet-sized jokes; you can find them by either searching Twitter for #asdfuckedupmovie or asking me for a current copy of the draft. I plan on making a few tweaks, but otherwise, they're ready to go.

I'm currently seeking 2 more voice actresses and 3 voice actors. I blogged a casting call which provides more information.

Earth Reborn: Messiah Complex: Diana Valenzuela

Heroes of Earth Reborn Diana Valenzuela Name: Diana Valenzuela Alias: None Gender: Female Race: Beastkin (dog - doberm...